I, a prisoner for the Lord,
urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received,
with all humility and gentleness, with patience,
bearing with one another through love,
striving to preserve the unity of the Spirit
through the bond of peace:
one Body and one Spirit,
as you were also called to the one hope of your call;
one Lord, one faith, one baptism;
one God and Father of all,
who is over all and through all and in all. (Eph 4:1-6)
On the feast of St. Matthew and the first day of my catechism demons plague me.
I am afraid i can never accept You fully, Lord of Hosts. I confess doubt and it hurts. I see the warm glow beckoning, just as i know Your voice, Your words and Your presence. Of me. In me. With me.
I know You are there.
Crowded, gathered in silence, You are at the front of the room. We seek your grace and glory.
You ask me, "Do you love me? Why don't you come closer? Come."
And i know i love You, yet still i shrink back.
So much to give up. Worldly loves lost. Comforts surrendered. Sins tolerated for another day. Such a change; can i please just abide in half-shadow? i murmur self-indulgently, recognising my own pride, my own fear. 'Come closer', i hear in prayer. I know i can, i know i may, and for that i weep. I know i can just walk right up into Your arms and be blessed, be Home.
I don't want to fail You. I am not worthy. Neither can i stand before so many others, nor, God forbid, take a seat at Your table.
But grace was given to each of us
according to the measure of Christ's gift.
And he gave some as Apostles, others as prophets,
others as evangelists, others as pastors and teachers,
to equip the holy ones for the work of ministry,
for building up the Body of Christ,
until we all attain to the unity of faith
and knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood,
to the extent of the full stature of Christ. (Eph 4:7-13)
Then doubt cowers.
I shall. I shall. I shall.
With Your grace, we sing.
And we are reminded that Matthew the tax-collector followed Your call.
"Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do.
Go and learn the meaning of the words,I desire mercy, not sacrifice.
I did not come to call the righteous but sinners." (Mt 9:12-13)
Deo gratias.
urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received,
with all humility and gentleness, with patience,
bearing with one another through love,
striving to preserve the unity of the Spirit
through the bond of peace:
one Body and one Spirit,
as you were also called to the one hope of your call;
one Lord, one faith, one baptism;
one God and Father of all,
who is over all and through all and in all. (Eph 4:1-6)
On the feast of St. Matthew and the first day of my catechism demons plague me.
I am afraid i can never accept You fully, Lord of Hosts. I confess doubt and it hurts. I see the warm glow beckoning, just as i know Your voice, Your words and Your presence. Of me. In me. With me.
I know You are there.
Crowded, gathered in silence, You are at the front of the room. We seek your grace and glory.
You ask me, "Do you love me? Why don't you come closer? Come."
And i know i love You, yet still i shrink back.
So much to give up. Worldly loves lost. Comforts surrendered. Sins tolerated for another day. Such a change; can i please just abide in half-shadow? i murmur self-indulgently, recognising my own pride, my own fear. 'Come closer', i hear in prayer. I know i can, i know i may, and for that i weep. I know i can just walk right up into Your arms and be blessed, be Home.
I don't want to fail You. I am not worthy. Neither can i stand before so many others, nor, God forbid, take a seat at Your table.
But grace was given to each of us
according to the measure of Christ's gift.
And he gave some as Apostles, others as prophets,
others as evangelists, others as pastors and teachers,
to equip the holy ones for the work of ministry,
for building up the Body of Christ,
until we all attain to the unity of faith
and knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood,
to the extent of the full stature of Christ. (Eph 4:7-13)
Then doubt cowers.
I shall. I shall. I shall.
With Your grace, we sing.
And we are reminded that Matthew the tax-collector followed Your call.
"Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do.
Go and learn the meaning of the words,I desire mercy, not sacrifice.
I did not come to call the righteous but sinners." (Mt 9:12-13)
Deo gratias.
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