What holds me back in the service of God? The yolk of modern western life, a life seemingly free, a life bent on economic wealth and comfort, a life filled with distraction. Like any other age? Of course, we are no more special. Still, having wars fought in other lands, people starving in other regions, the paramount importance of entertainment (our heroes now from film and music), makes me want to cut through the layers of fat, as it were, to get to the meat of my question: what holds me back?
I know it's fear and doubt. In the service of God i know comfort, but i know fear and doubt, too. I try to let it go and sometimes i am light, cheerful, unburdened, but the weight comes back, often suddenly, more often creeping in slowly like a thief in the night.
Grace is here. Encouragement is here. Support is here. All i shall ever need is here for me, yet i resist. There is pain and suffering all around. Modern Valhalla? There is misery at our own doorstep, yet we are trained to see only that suffering on the other side of the planet. The State shall provide, that 's why taxes are paid, i hear so often. And the casualties of stress, perceived failure, substance abuse, debt and ego (full Selfishness)? Silently they suffer, as if it's part of life.
However, when i help others, when i commit myself to the service of others (in my line of work at a hospital this is daily) i truly reap what i sow. I offer support and encouragement, listening, sitting with those who suffer. Then i am closer to God. Fear vanishes. Doubt vanishes. Any confusion i had vanishes in the attention i give to another. How can i know it at one moment, yet find myself so burdened, listless and hesitant the next?
Vigilance, earnestness, perseverance, each day renewing promises and oaths, each moment aware of God's presence in my life, all our lives, seeing Him, acknowledging Him through prayer and thanks. Thus, the modern world's distractions become like rainclouds; interesting weather that might require a hat, but not tears. And the timeless cycle of mortal sufferings? Jesus had an answer for that too.
Oremus:
I pray for all of us who feel held back in their service of God, that we stop and consider what it is that holds us back and do something about it. I pray for the will, strength and motivation to reflect deeply on our personal obstacles. I pray that the Holy Ghost may inspire us in removing these hindrances. Today mine is a prayer of thanks. Amen.
Deo gratias.
I know it's fear and doubt. In the service of God i know comfort, but i know fear and doubt, too. I try to let it go and sometimes i am light, cheerful, unburdened, but the weight comes back, often suddenly, more often creeping in slowly like a thief in the night.
Grace is here. Encouragement is here. Support is here. All i shall ever need is here for me, yet i resist. There is pain and suffering all around. Modern Valhalla? There is misery at our own doorstep, yet we are trained to see only that suffering on the other side of the planet. The State shall provide, that 's why taxes are paid, i hear so often. And the casualties of stress, perceived failure, substance abuse, debt and ego (full Selfishness)? Silently they suffer, as if it's part of life.
However, when i help others, when i commit myself to the service of others (in my line of work at a hospital this is daily) i truly reap what i sow. I offer support and encouragement, listening, sitting with those who suffer. Then i am closer to God. Fear vanishes. Doubt vanishes. Any confusion i had vanishes in the attention i give to another. How can i know it at one moment, yet find myself so burdened, listless and hesitant the next?
Vigilance, earnestness, perseverance, each day renewing promises and oaths, each moment aware of God's presence in my life, all our lives, seeing Him, acknowledging Him through prayer and thanks. Thus, the modern world's distractions become like rainclouds; interesting weather that might require a hat, but not tears. And the timeless cycle of mortal sufferings? Jesus had an answer for that too.
Oremus:
I pray for all of us who feel held back in their service of God, that we stop and consider what it is that holds us back and do something about it. I pray for the will, strength and motivation to reflect deeply on our personal obstacles. I pray that the Holy Ghost may inspire us in removing these hindrances. Today mine is a prayer of thanks. Amen.
Deo gratias.
No comments:
Post a Comment