Abandon Thy Self!

My Lord and my God, take from me everything that distances me from you,
My Lord and my God, give me everything that brings me closer to you,
My Lord and my God, detach me from myself to give my all to you. (St. Nicholas of Flue)

Again i seem to be reminded of ego's deception by which it means to keep me fearful and cowering in the perceived safety of my warm and pleasant life. So many years, indeed a whole life, spent on grooming that person who is me. Change? Very much like a massive civil bureaucracy, change can only happen slowly, if at all. Change must fit into existing patterns of self-interest and self-survival. No risks are taken that might cause any permanent damage or upset the facade.

Ego means well.

But in the long run ego is tied to the material world which is born and dies, which suffers all hardships and lustily pursues all pleasures. The Kingdom of Heaven and one's neighbours have little use for those pursuing self-interest. This limited and meanly served love is not the Love that God is and shares with us. There is no grace and forgiveness pouring from the ego, who prefers to lick its wounds and seek comfort in familiar words, persons, substances and environments.

Let go!

Detach me from my Self is a prayer of purposeful hope. Of course we have to do the work of change through personal choices. Ignorance is not bliss. Once we see how ego shapes, controls and limits us, we can start to observe its methods. Know thy enemy, not to destroy him, but to understand him and Love him as Christ instructed. There is nothing to fear, but fear itself. Cliches. Yet, by having insight into one's own Self, one can begin to use reason above ego's routine responses. One can earnestly and purposefully, with determination and compassion for Self, abandon habits and patterns of behaviour which limit. Freedom has to be fought for with untiring vigilance and duty. Hard work? The hardest battle we shall ever fight. However, we are never alone and the rewards are great. I know in my heart that this battle for freedom from Self is the only activity in life worth pursuing simply because it will shape the person i am and choose to be, servant of Love, friend full of grace and forgiveness and unconditional compassion to all mankind. My Lord and my God, by giving my all to you, in my emptiness, my cup shall overflow.

Oremus:
I pray that my all may flow to you, My Lord and my God. I pray to i can be closer to you, brought out of the darkness that is fear, that is doubt. I pray that i shall see our separation as the lie it is and stand in your Light. I prayer that i may do this for your sake and for all those i meet and greet on the path of the Kingdom of God. Amen.

Deo gratias.

Lord, Please let me see

Lord, please let me see. (Lk 18:41)

A blind man knows what he wants from God. Anyone who is suffering would ask to be relieved of bodily infirmaries. It's so easy to forget a handicap when we are healthy. Then a bad cold, fever, a fall or food poisoning and suddenly our day looks very different. Patients with chronic depression beg for an end to their unbearable life. Happiness? How long are we willing and able to suffer?

What would i ask if i were that man on the side of the road as Jesus passed? A happy man might have nothing to ask, too proud, too busy, a happy man would not be on the side of the road begging all day, right? Yet, that is an assumption. 'Happiness' in today's society seems to have become a great lottery ticket; if my number's called i'll be happy for life. If i only had my health, then i'd be happy. If only i had enough money, then i'd be happier. Are you as happy as i am in this relationship? Society seems to judge itself on the level of its own happiness, even if happiness is subjective.
Rather, happiness is in the details, me thinks, just as God is supposed to be in the details (an architect's saying). Food, water, a good bowel movement, sun in the sky ... i can make a list of criteria that might make up a 'good' day, yet even then, my mood could undermine it all. Those last three pedestrians put nothing in my bowel and i'm sure one of them looked at me with contempt! says the blind man. If my happiness is dependant on so many external and internal factors, what are the odds that i'll ever be happy?

Jesus tells the man that his faith has saved him. With restored sight, will his life be happy? Ten years later, twenty years, will he still think of himself as a happy man? I hope so. Faith in Love can be present in each moment, correcting negative thoughts, ignoring insults, enjoying either sunshine or rain, being humble in work and fair in the dealings with other less scrupulous men. What would i ask to the passing Christ? What is that one glaring obstacle to my leading a holy life? On that, i shall meditate. But in the meantime, call out for the Lord. Keep calling, even if others will have you silent. Keep calling because that is faith. And when the Lord asks "What do you want me to do for you?" i can at least ask for his blessing and thank him, again and again and again.

Oremus:
I would like to pray for those who don't think themselves to be happy, who claim never to have known happiness and who might even wish for an end to their unbearable lives. I pray they might awaken to find peace and light in their day, space for faith to grow and an awareness of other men and women around them. Amen.

Deo gratias.