Who I Am Meant To Be

You are more at what you believe you are,

You are greater than who you say you are,

You are stronger than any deed ever done,

You are closer to home than you ever realised.

Awake, my child! Wipe the sleep from your eyes

And see clearly the path upon which you walk.

Bathed in light, you are full of grace.

Fearless, without doubt, know that you are holiness, you are my son whom I love.

Awake! Teacher, councillor, prince of peace.
You are that, and so very much more. Awake!

Deo gratias.

Advent Anxiety

Now, in the purple days of Advent, i toss and turn with anxiety. Can i carry the weight of responsibility that is God's Will? Can i manage the yolk of faith that is a servant's life? I stand with one foot in a little boat of all my worldly needs and possessions, while the other foot rests a boat of faith, my desire to grow, an instinct i know is the absolute truth of love and compassion, peace and joy in this life. The boats wobble. With one foot in each boat, keeping balance is tough. Indeed, i know it would be better to choose one of the two, yet i cannot. With one foot in each boat, i'm not going anywhere: all my effort and time is spent on keeping upright. Surrendering to the lie of wealth, power, status, rich foods, comfort in ignorance, ease in not caring, is not an option. Choose faith, then. Step over into that boat called Love. Let compassion and wisdom keep me afloat. God shall keep me safe. No man can then threaten or take away that which i have built. So simple. Yet here i stand. A choice, that i can't seem to make, hence my tossing and turning this Advent.

From Luke 2, we read of the birth of John the Baptist, last of the Old Testament prophets, who shall herald the coming of the Messiah.

Then his father Zechariah was filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke this prophecy:

⁶⁸ “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel,
    for he has looked favorably on his people and redeemed them.
⁶⁹ He has raised up a mighty savior for us
    in the house of his servant David,
⁷⁰ as he spoke through the mouth of his holy prophets from of old,
⁷¹     that we would be saved from our enemies and from the hand of all who hate us.
⁷² Thus he has shown the mercy promised to our ancestors,
    and has remembered his holy covenant,
⁷³ the oath that he swore to our ancestor Abraham,
    to grant us ⁷⁴ that we, being rescued from the hands of our enemies,
might serve him without fear, ⁷⁵ in holiness and righteousness
    before him all our days.
⁷⁶ And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High;
    for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways,
⁷⁷ to give knowledge of salvation to his people
    by the forgiveness of their sins.
⁷⁸ By the tender mercy of our God,
    the dawn from on high will break upon us,
⁷⁹ to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
    to guide our feet into the way of peace.”

As a Christian i believe it is we who are all servants of Light who go before Him to prepare his ways. We must do the work of faith. Now, on Earth, according to our means, we are called in this lifetime to prepare his ways. The Christ has taught us, personally demonstrated, how we can prepare the way. And if sin is holding us back, we are redeemed. Redeemed? Like a coupon, i always think? From the Jesuits of Ireland a wonderful explanation:

God, "the Holy One of Israel" is their ‘redeemer’. The word in Hebrew originally refers to the nearest male relative who will avenge the blood of someone who has been murdered. He is also the one pays off a debt and frees the debtor from prison; his duty also is to protect the defenceless. Leviticus (25:47-55) also speaks of a situation where a person has to sell himself to a foreigner. He can be ‘redeemed’, that is, bought back by a brother, or uncle or cousin or any other relative. (The word ‘redeemer’ comes from the Latin redemptor, meaning ‘someone who buys back’.)
It then comes to refer to God as one who protects the oppressed and who liberates his people. The word is used frequently in this sense in Second Isaiah. The word then was applied to Jesus, who is the Redeemer and Liberator of us all. (http://livingspace.sacredspace.ie/)
And so we have been released, liberated, granted a new start, forgiven that i might choose to give light to those who sit in darkness, hold out a helping hand to those who sit in the shadow of death and that i might serve God without fear: do not be afraid! Fearless, now i can choose the way of peace and thus prepare the ways of the LORD on Earth, in my lifetime, now and every day.

Here i stand with a foot in each wobbly boat. What prevents me from choosing? Fear. My old enemy who keeps me in doubt, second-guessing, deep in my comfort-zone. Fear. That lie that is my Self, that vulnerable child scrambling after needs and running from aversions. But as God promised those who have faith in Him, we shall know his mercy, we shall be redeemed through forgiveness and we shall be saved from our enemies that we can serve without fear.

Dear God, please help me choose wisely to accept the boat that gives true life, and that once chosen i can progress with a fearless heart, in my own forgiveness and mercy to all upon my path, and thus preparing your ways so that all may know peace and joy in their lifetime.

Deo gratias. 

My Brother's Keeper

A Bodhisattva has an oath of social responsibility, to continue his good works (through many lifetimes) until all men reach enlightenment.

Cain says to God that he doesn't know about his brother's whereabouts: Am i my brother's keeper? he asks God. Am i responsible for another's actions? Perhaps not, but the implications of global social responsibility are overwhelming. Love thy neighbour to the point of making sure that he gets to heaven? In powerlessness i ponder the weight of this question: am i my brother's keeper?

My reflection:

By doing my Self wrong through sin, i become lost.
By doing another wrong through sin, i create poison.
"Our Father": we stand together, bound, created, genetically the same, breathing, living, interdependent.
Yes, i am responsible for humanity, because there is no real separation.
My sin keeps me separated from you and you and you.

Thus with your love for me, your grace and mercy, through your Son and in the Holy Spirit my sins are washed and my soul can be as white as snow.
I can choose goodness and to grow in faith and be a light in your holy name, that i may walk upright, fearless, wise and loving for my Self, for others and yes, for all mankind need be, brothers all, united in the glory and praise of Our Father.

I am not alone: you remind me of this each time i meet another, we who are all created in your image.
To do goodness and forgive and love and shepherd my neighbour, like the Christ showed us, i am indeed my brother's keeper.
Let my light of faith help him on his way home to you, LORD.
Let him be welcome under my roof and know wisdom and compassion through me, your servant, so that when i fall, there are hands of compassion to help me, together, travelling home.

Hear me Oh LORD that i may have faith and grow in faith,
That i may come closer to you and walk your path through this life,
Together with your Son who teaches me,
United with you in the Holy Spirit.
Let my faith reap goodness
That i may experience and thus know True Love
That i may fearlessly share goodness and wisdom with all whom i meet,
And that we may praise aloud your holy name together, Amen.

God of Light

Light, energy, that radiation by which we see, feel warmth, the life giving sunlight, all that we know seems to come through light. We use a word of light to describe someone who soars above the rest of humanity, who is freed, who is so full he shines with wisdom and compassion: enlightenment. In today's mass reading from Revelation God is described as stunning light, brilliant colours, that which we see shining but defies description.

Definitely not an old man with a beard looking down from the clouds.

The Christ is our en-light-ened being, that is, flesh shining, a man brilliant, God revealed on Earth. The Jesuits of Ireland describe this accurately in their homily today:

It is important for us now and again to be reminded of the utter transcendence of God.
Too often we reduce God to human terms and we can even identify the humanity of Christ with his divinity. But Jesus in his human nature gives us only the faintest idea of the reality of God in himself. What Jesus gives us in the Gospel is of priceless value because it tells us truths about God we might never have found for ourselves but what Jesus revealed to us was only a faint image of the whole God.
That is why when we have some experience in praying we find that the only thing we can do is to sit silent and motionless in a Presence that takes over our lives completely. Rather than trying to manipulate God to our own desires, we surrender to Him completely. As they say, “We let go and we let God.” (http://livingspace.sacredspace.ie/O2334R/)

Though we might never "see" God, we can know him, speak with him, be comforted by his presence and trust in that which we cannot see as an infinite source of love, compassion, grace and mercy. And for me this is the meaning of 'faith'.

10 Precepts

One reason i admire Buddhism is it's concrete Do-It-Self approach to the Answer. Beholding the Ultimate Reality, the Light of Lights, the Truth of All There Is, Going Beyond the Beyond, is an experience that a man must have for himself, says the Buddha. No words can describe it, in fact, the human mind cannot even grasp it in the sense of learning it through shared knowledge. It must be experienced. Only then it can be known.

How to experience it? Ah, that is part of Buddha's recipe for rising above earthbound suffering, the Eight-fold Path. Right ethical views tied to Right behaviour can, through ones own efforts (guided of course by those further along the path), create a positive environment for this journey of body and mind towards en-lighten-ment. To become light.

When i was younger i was frustrated with the label 'sin': this and that was bad, don't do it, shame on you, going to hell, etc. But what then was i 'supposed to do'? Be good, was often the answer. I was supposed to know, and if i didn't, punishment was to aid me along the way. With very few role-models about, i felt it all rather vague. Buddhism is concrete.

And now i see the 10 Commandments in a new light.

The word 'commandment' or mitzvot (Hebrew) can mean a precept (a word often used in the English translations of the original Pali of Buddhism) or simply a good deed. If we are to come closer to God, then these laws that he breathed into existence for us might be willingly, purposefully and vigilantly undertaken for living a good life. We are to create goodness on Earth if we are to be happy. But how?

First: No other God. A divided house falls. If the mind is divided then ones actions are divided, sowing doubt. Can a servant have two masters? If Love is not our singular goal, then we shall never have the focus and effort required to reach the Truth, let alone train our mind and focus our actions on becoming 'a good person'.

Second, Third and Fourth: No graven images, not taking his name in vain, one day shall be holy. That which cannot be known with the limitations of the human mind, that which encompasses time and the universe cannot be set in stone: to attempt this is foolishness and can cause confusion, disagreements, anger and divisions between people. Likewise, that which is holy should remain revered: that what you love above all things cannot be cursed without adverse effects to ones own mind. It creates confusion. It creates separation. The spoken word is creation. It is a powerful tool. What the hands carve is brought into being, albeit temporarily. Carved images turn to dust, just as we do. Spoken words are born into the universe and can be overheard. One must work in this life for food, shelter, family and survival, yet these things are nothing if we have no life: remember to give thanks for our lives, through prayer, through meditation, through attention to our spiritual well-being. That which is holy to us is precious. Let us re-mind ourselves of this often, lest the world and suffering and confusion cause us to forget.

Fifth until the Tenth: Honouring parents, not killing, curbing lust, not stealing, not giving in to greed or envy or lies. This behaviour brings about division in ones own mind and between neighbours. Anger. Violence. Hatred. Peace of mind is lost. The ability to produce good acts suffers. And if ones behaviour is not in line with ones speech and thoughts, then perseverance on the Way shall be limited. The Truth might very well remain a dream.

Jesus said that the whole message can be pared down to love of God and love of neighbours. Loving God sets the field for planting. Loving ones fellow man sows that field.

In reaping the fruit of our labour, we shall know God. Instead of being whipped into shape, children should learn from example. Mindfulness of ones own behaviour is essential. Critical reflection of ones actions is necessary. Admitting failure is the only way one can move on and avoid repetition. And the knowledge that God is with us at all times every step of the way is itself the greatest encouragement i know. He is here. Now. The more i allow him into my daily life, through being an instrument of goodness (see the above 10 Precepts), the closer i am to my Answer, Oh gladsome Light.

Deo gratias.

On Being Christian

At mass today (Ti 3:1-7 and Lk 17:11-19) the priest emphasised three qualities that we, as followers of the Way, might like to consider and personally strengthen: friendliness, courtesy and thankfulness. We have all been Cretans, says St. Paul, but now we choose to transform that we can light our lives with wisdom, love and gratitude. Called and embraced to Love, we must not run from fear, rather, work together to see it diminished, vanquished. Through our faith in Love we can 'let deepdown fear gradually seep away': Quotation from the Jesuits, see below. I love this image of conquering my fears. Yet first i must recognise them, call them out, see them for what they are. Then with the aid of meditation, prayer, good friends and family, of Church and Christ and all that is Love, i hope to be secure enough to let my fears go, to let them gradually seep away, to become fearless in life, a Christian.

I have come across yet some more dead-on insight from the Jesuit brothers of Ireland, a beautiful summary of Being Christian:

We were washed clean by the waters of baptism and made a new person in the power of God’s Spirit working in and through us, “the Holy Spirit which he so generously poured over us through Jesus Christ our Saviour”. We have been made right with God by a purely gratuitous display of his love; we have now become the Father’s heirs, sharing with Jesus our Brother and Lord life without end.
To remain in that state it is up to us to remain totally open to God’s love and allow him to transform us and become daily more like him in all our words, actions and relationships. (http://livingspace.sacredspace.ie/O2324R/)

No Strings Attached

What am i reading for today's mass? Of slaves and obligations, of masters and expectations? The Jesuits give a great explanation of this passage from Luke 17:7-10.

God need never be grateful to us for anything we do for him. No matter how much we do for him, we can never put him in our debt. Everything we give to God (or to God through others) is simply giving back to him a small portion of what he has already given us. It is well said in Preface IV for Masses on Weekdays: “You have no need of our praise, yet our desire to thank you is itself your gift. Our prayer of thanksgiving adds nothing to your greatness, but makes us grow in your grace.”
God can never be in our debt. He can never be under any obligation to us. Perhaps that is what some of the Pharisees thought. They felt that, because they kept the Law perfectly, God owed them salvation. (http://livingspace.sacredspace.ie/O2323G/)

God owes me nothing. Life is a gift. For that i give thanks.
And how can i give thanks?
Ah, the greatest question of life, me thinks.
How can i live in a way to praise my life?!
To be joyous, loving and helpful to my neighbour for starters: when my house is in order, then i can receive guests. When i am compassionate, only then can i honestly and truly help another find joy. First i must walk the path, before i can lead others.
And that's why Jesus i worth following, if only that i may realise true joy in this my life, given without strings, without obligations. This is worthy of praise, no?

Deo gratias.

The Love That Surpasses Knowledge

Ah, Saint Paul! Sometimes you weary me with your ancient patriarchal Hebrew baggage! Sometimes i am offended, even dismayed that one chosen in Love can sometimes still play the Pharisee role in which you persecuted with fervour!

Then you speak such magnificent words, these feel to me more true to the Holy Ghost that unites us. Through God's glory we are strengthened with power in our shared Spirit. And, that Christ dwelling in our hearts through our daily and active faith may root and ground our love for him and one another. And, that wisdom may be ours to share, the wisdom of the saints, those who gave up their Self and found the Truth.

"And to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:19)

Dearest Saint Paul, bless you today for reminding me of that love that surpasses my own knowledge, that love that transcends my limited mind with its world preoccupations and fears. And in that state of love that unites us with and in and through Christ, we may be filled with Love, Truth, the enormity of All There Is in God, or simply put, that we might find our way home.

Deo Gratias.

Vigilance

Be vigilant! Stand ready to serve at a moment's notice! Trust and listen for his call.

From the Irish Jesuits:
In our relationships with God, it is always the present which counts. The prepared servant lives constantly in the present and seeks and finds God there. A life so lived takes care of itself – and its future.

To dwell in the past or ponder uselessly over the future, the one gone the other unborn, is nothing more than a distraction. In distraction we are not vigilant. Our trust might be weakened with doubt or speculation. Our ability to listen and hear his voice is debilitated. We are lost in our own personal realities if we are not present-minded. Life is happening now, not yesterday and not tomorrow. If we hear, if we trust in his Holy Spirit, we can act only in the present: we shall answer his call, open the door and receive the Lord and his bounty, his blessing.

Need Is Greed: Take Guard!

"Take care to guard against all greed, for though one may be rich, ones life does not consist of possessions."

Jesus tells this to the crowd when he's not really interested in settling an inheritance fight between brothers.

'Greed' is a sick form of attachment, a hunger that cannot be satiated. Greedy people become Hungry Ghosts, according to the Buddhists: these reincarnations are hugely fat beings with tiny little mouths, always hungry, never getting enough, their only world being to feed, accumulate, fill that empty hole in their world. There world is one of suffering.

Like the Messiah riding like a poor beggar on the back of an ass, this King shows that wealth cannot be judged by the flesh, cannot be measured by the Earthly things that seem so important. One's life is the greatest gift and the greatest possession one has, for without it, we would not exist. One's life is given by God. Man does not fabricate the spark of life. Man can only nurture it or take it. All that we can do to honour this life is to honour this gift: Indeed, some consider all life to be sacred. To build up our own comfort and wealth, to eat more than we need to live or to amass more wealth than our neighbour seems not only offensive, but in Jesus' view of life it seems ungrateful, woefully mislead, delusional, lost, petty and selfish.

Indeed, it is the Self, the ego, that needs to build itself up out of fear of danger, fear of coming up short, fear of whatever: think about which fears and greeds are at play when one fills the shopping basket with luxury products, gold, glitter or much more than is actually needed for the body to survive. Need is greed. Thus the Saviour's warning, "Take care to guard against all greed". In meditation, with mindfulness, we can take guard moment by moment. The Self is tricky in its need. The Self is convincing in its habits of want. The Self will use all its efforts to get that guard down. I am my own worst enemy, me thinks.

If i have wisdom i will listen. If i have compassion i will do the right thing. With Jesus i am stronger.

Deo gratias.

Trust

God trusts us, forgives and knows infinite grace, his compassion is paramount and he is always with me, you and every being.

Overwhelming? I am invited to trust as he trusts, to forgive and show grace, to be compassionate even though my own self-interest screams otherwise.

Doubt? Guilt? How can i reach these heights? How can i ever compare? Why bother, whispers an insecure, distrusting, unforgiving and selfish being.

Yet, that is not who i am!

I, too, am light and love, grace and forgiveness. I know the truth of this because i know the feeling of joy and peace i have when i am compassionate. Being these qualities, i know God. I am more than just a suffering being, grinding his way through life, clothing, feeding, paying taxes unto the grave. Do i see this? Am i awake? Can i say 'yes'? 'Yes, Lord, here i am, your servant is listening'.

Trust is the key word.

Trust and listen and do as Jesus did among men.

Fear is our greatest enemy.

Find inner peace, listen for the wisdom of ages, listen for the proclamation of love, an know that trust grows, evolves and transforms the heart into something great, radiant and eternal.

Do Not Worry

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Luke 12:34)

Ravens live off the fruits of the Earth and gorgeous lilies bloom with ease and grace,
There is no talent or supernatural effort required to do as they do,
Why then must men then struggle with doubts and fears?
Why all the running, grasping and effort to amass wealth and status and power?
Just like the birds and flowers are what they are
So too, man can be simply that which he is.
In God's image, born to love, give and sing praise to his Father.
Awake! He will see past worldly shadows and know the lie of lesser treasures,
Love, our greatest treasure, our only Truth, cannot be stolen away,
It is ours to give with joy of heart and peace of mind. 

Contemplatives In Action

"Contemplatives in action". Dr. Krishna has heard the term before this mini-revelation. Like monkeys bouncing around the trees, he sees his fellow villagers bustling about their tasks, but being equally oblivious to the way in which they do these things. Grumpy, rude, selfish, quick to anger, quick to rebuke, these people are lost in the burden of their duties and have no peace of mind.

When aware why and how one acts, there is room for peace, the doctor realises. Only through meditation, listening to the universe in peace and balance, can one be fully in control of ones actions. Deliberate action. Wisdom in deed. Things in life must be done, for food, shelter, clothing, what have you, but how is the question? With grace and love, with patience and kindness? Or like the monkeys surging through the trees, like bulls in glass shops?

Listen to God. Listen to the wisdom of ages. Contemplate my role and how this good news is applicable to me. Then act. This simple knowledge hits home like an epiphany. Of course, he had learnt how to listen actively during his medical schooling: not merely listening, but fully involved and participating in the listening, in the dialogue. The point of departure for this active listening is interest, patience, respect and creating the space for another's thoughts. Doctor Krishna smiles to the people around him. He is not the village prophet, nor the village guru, but he can change his own passage in this life. He heads home now, planning to close the clinic for the evening so that he can practise listening to God.

United By Suffering

As a doctor, Krishna sees much suffering. Indeed, he has sworn an oath to alleviate suffering through all his medical means. The woman in front of him weeps continuously, now more than twenty minutes. She cannot speak, and the good doctor decides to let her weep. There is physical suffering, but there is also mental suffering; which of the two is greater, he cannot decide. Most of his colleagues focus on the body, as this is often the simplest approach, he reflects. Symptoms, removal of the cause of illness, the body heals, these steps are straightforward. But actually having to talk to a patient, get to know them and listen to their stories, that is often a step too far for his professional colleagues.

We are bound to each other in our suffering, he thinks, magnifying at once our mortal weakness and our divine strength.

Great people have all lead us through suffering through their own example. One teaches us to accept suffering as the condition of being human, another shows his humanity through sharing in our suffering. However, both demonstrate that while the body suffers, the mind can remain in repose, remain in love, freed from a suffering that can spread like oil on water when fear and anger are given free reign. Doctor Krishna accepts these teachings, embraces this faith in the power of the mind, the power of compassion, to allow tears to fall, without letting the suffering poison our hearts or cripple our will.

The woman now dries her cheeks. She is embarrassed, yet relieved to have a sympathetic space in which to vent her emotions. Before she leaves, the doctor reminds her that her pain will not in a day be magically removed, but that the woman can strengthen her will in daily mindfulness, of prayer, meditation and purposeful exercise, that though the wind might blow, she need not snap like a brittle tree, but bend like bamboo. She will come at the end of the week to talk and she may even cry a little less, doctor Krishna knows.

Why We Suffer

The man on the table before him is as good as dead. Indeed, the three youths who brought the emaciated, scab and dirt encrusted beggar to the doctor already thought he was gone. The breathing is shallow, as is the pulse. On the table now, he groans softly, indistinct, lacking even the energy to express his agony. While examining the condition of this new patient, Doctor Krishna sees his eyes open. Milky, wet, the man is blind. He probably wandered out of his refuge, got lost and never found his way home, the doctor diagnoses, rummaging through cupboards and cabinets in the small room. This hospital's supply reserve is seriously limited: though he has a needle for the drip infusion, he doesn't have the right rehydration liquid. The last time he needed the infusion, he had no sterilised needles. While examining the man's arm and the hopelessly collapsed veins, the skeleton of a man begins to move his mouth. Dry lips and tongue prevent words. A quickly fetched wet cloth with some drops of water help him: "End" he whispers.

However hopeless the medical situation, Doctor Krishna knows that he cannot willingly take a life. Nor will he extend the pain, agony and suffering of any living being. The patient blinks. "End", the word passes like a dry wind over parched lips, a slight movement in the throat is all that visibly moves. The doctor does what he can for his patent's comfort, still feeling the iron grip of powerlessness, the whining ego, the irrational need to lash out, futility, rage, sorrow; the man is terminal, too long without food and water, too long exposed to sun and night chill, insect bites infected and animal bites oozing pus. Doctor Krishna considers what a strange world it is to see another's suffering, to see another's pain, and yet personally feel nothing of it. How separate we are, however bound by hopes and dreams. Helpless before the mystery of life, the good doctor can only shed tears. He reflects on the words of a Jesuit brother who often visited the village: Sickness and death are not the ultimate evils; sin, the absence of truth and love, is. Holding the dying man's hand, he starts praying.

And then a moment later a soft "End" is spoken. A smile on lips and eyes of the patient speaks, too. There is no inhalation. The lungs collapse, as does the face, pallor, living presence. The man without a name let's go of his suffering. Doctor Krishna stands calm, all need to act has now passed. He thanks his patient: though mankind may disagree on the big questions, we agree that respect, compassion and kindness are important, that truth and love are essential if we are to weather the storm of sickness and death. 

A Lesson in Miracles

There is always much excitement on the village high street. The serious nature of buying and selling, of profit and need, hangs in the air. Today, on the way to a bed bound patient, Doctor Krishna is pressed up to two huge animals standing face to face. In the narrow street no one can pass. Their drivers shout in futility because the northbound ox will not give way to the southbound ass. Frustration in the growing crowd mounts. A whip cracks twice. A switch bites into the flank of the ox. Neither beast budges. Black, glossy orbs are fixed squarely on each other in apparent confrontation; the veneer of domesticity fades as the great flanks of both animals shiver. Ears twitch. Tails flick. Hooves stomp. They snort violently, yet do not move.

Doctor Krishna, who is now pressed up against them by the impatient mob, knees in prayer. The great black eyes of both ox and ass glance about. More and more people around the good doctor get down on their knees to join him in prayer, despite the apparent danger. A moment later, still others join them. The deafening cries of anger fade. Peace descends on the road. The animals seem to note this, and then, just as some other group begins a soft song of praise, both massive heads bob and drop and the beasts of burden move forward, one left, one right, squeezing pass with dexterous grace. Not opponents, but equals. Not obstacles, but in a moment of mutual acknowledgement they are one in body and spirit, one in mind and presence. As in a complex dance their hooves step effortlessly around the still praying, demonstratively humbled masters, leaders, fathers. A grunt, a whinny, then the crowd is moving again.

The smiling doctor gets to his feet and laughs. If we can forget our differences, forget the self interest that builds walls of pride and anger, we can move as one body in peace; we can then reap our joy along the path that is the destination of every pilgrimage, Doctor Krishna thinks, reflecting on the miracle he has just witnessed. The rest of the way is uneventful.

Once inside the tiny hut of the untouchable, he puts down his satchel. "Good morning, madam. I've brought more medicine to help you through the pain". The cancer will kill her, the doctor knows, but then all that live must die at some point. The question is 'how?'. He stands beside the bed: "You will never believe what I witnessed on the way over here!"

Faith and Hope and Charity

To gaze upon the face of God ... Doctor Krishna likes to reminisce over his mother's favourite saying. Or, 'Behold, the face of God', she would say. She always spoke these words when seeing compassion, kindness or charity between people, whatever the age, whatever the situation, whatever the inclination. God, He who is Love, is everywhere, in all things, she told all her children ... and anyone else who would listen. Though we are children babbling nonsense, we know Him when we are tender, gentle, warm, patient with another. We are Him even when we see through the dull glass of our own inflated Self to reach out to another in need, when we are more than just sentiment.

Indeed, it was his mother who lead him to medicine, a long and winding road after many a troubled year. And now, caring daily for others, the good doctor considers that he has never been more complete, never has known a fuller sense of being. Expansive, fundamental, a clear blue sky extending to to horizon in all directions, this man has never felt such peace of mind and absolute certainty in the rightness of choosing Love to guide ones hand.

And though he sees much boasting and greed, impatience and unkindness, jealousy, pompousness, rudeness and greed, and anger and deceit, Doctor Krishna knows without a doubt that the truth of unconditional love abides in all beings, without exception. Turning his face towards the sun, with closed eyes and a gentle smile, he whispers a silent prayer to his long dead mother, thanking her for her faith and hope and charity, but most of all for her love.

I am

The scene below outrages the normally peaceful healer; not anger, rather frustration and sorrow colours his cheeks. Below in the village, the festival is going full tilt. Drunkenness and all the ills flowing with the drink reign this night. They want to forget.

'I think, therefore i am', he quotes in his mind. Nonsense. The formulation of a child. The ultimate lie used by the ego to enslave and hold humanity back down, he groans softly. 'To be' does not require a billion, billion little worlds fighting for supremacy, fighting for survival, fighting for recognition, fighting for respect, what have you. Too many units lost in the dark. Because one merely thinks, existence is not established! Only a fool would choose see the world this way. 'I think, therefore i choose to blind my wisdom, settle into my Self, dwell there, feed it, dote on it, build walls, build it a fortress and once and a while weep in isolation that 'i am' has lost my way', the good doctor smiles. 'I think, therefore i had best get back up in the driver's seat and understand that by thinking my Self into existence the mind creates and reinforces separateness. I am is the first wall: i don't need anyone else to tell me that i am, who i am, what my works produce, i am my own judge and jury'.

Young women screaming and young men hooting, the festival noise grows louder and louder. Doctor Krishna knows that thinking about existence like a immature french philosopher having a tantrum against the powers that be, is no solution. Mankind has known long enough that whoever wishes to save his life will lose it: that which is treasured and protected must die in this world: all things must pass, all material things change. Of course, it caught on. Individualism. Me against the world. How much suffering can any man create? 'This man Descartes created more suffering that the A-bomb', the doctor suggests to no one.

Yet, he is not alone. Looking up, he sees many villagers on the rise above the noise and lights, standing very much like he does now, looking down in bewilderment, faces of sorrow, faces of acceptance, faces of tender compassion. The party will go on all night: doctor Krishna doesn't even remember the annual justification for the madness: it's always the same, music, drink, more drink, 'letting go' and getting numb, very very numb, as if they are trying to escape life. And well they should! The ' i am ' keeps them in a shell of poison, slowly weakening them, slowly dissolving their spirit, slowly surrendering to the mind's desire to build higher walls, needy, threatened, accusing, quickly angered ... some day they will wake up and realise that 'i am' is not the answer.

'There are other answers', he whispers to them. We are not alone. We are interconnected from conception, to birth, to communication, to the eyes that see us and recognise us. In fact, when the mind is prepared to surrender that childish 'me' and embrace 'we', there is maturity. Whoever loses his life for the sake of compassion and wisdom, for Love Divine, for ones friend or enemy, that gift is life! Truth manifest! Awakedness! We are.

But not yet, the good doctor sighs. There will be hangovers. There will be much suffering on the morrow. And new lessons are not lightly accepted. One must willingly give up the old to pass through this door. Doctor Krishna blesses them all, sits down on the grass and looks up at the stars. Some things cannot be rushed, he notes with patience: I love, therefore i am.

Do Unto Others

The wounds are many and deep. The naked man on the table of Doctor Krishna's clinic has been severely beaten. His feet are a mess of blisters, scabs and street waste. Emaciated, the little man is probably also under-fed, starving, notes the doctor. And yet, the man lies here with eyes wide open, as if not to miss a moment of life, serene, calm, he smiles to no one, to everyone.

"Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give and gifts will be given to you," he says in a parched voice, "My father taught me how a man must live. Many years i did as i pleased, lost in selfishness. Then little by little, i saw the darkness and terror, the sorrow and the loss creep into my life: this is not the world! i said to myself. I changed."

"Who has treated you so badly, then?" asks the busy doctor, now stitching up a gash as neatly as possible, all the while wondering how he is going to protect this man from infection, from sepsis.

"My enemies, i guess. Though i declare now that i have no enemies. I hate no one, because i see who they really are, behind the fabricated masks that they themselves believe as their personal truth. If only we can see the world as it truly is. Larger than us. Magnificent. All reflections of perfection. My father recommended that i do good to those who hate me, bless those who curse me and pray for those who mistreat me. I do this now, regardless if i am shown compassion. If i let my compassion be conditional, then i judge. If i let my compassion be determined by another's actions, then i can never be free from doubt and fear."

Doctor Krishna smiles as he cleans the man's feet. He nods. "I have heard it said that 'To the person who strikes you on one cheek, offer the other one as well, and from the person who takes your cloak, do not withhold even your tunic."

"Yes, yes! That's it! The woman was ill, shamed by her nakedness, thus i gave her my own clothes. 'Give to everyone who asks of you, and from the one who takes what is yours do not demand it back.' We are asked to do the impossible, but the impossible lives only in our mind. Such freedom to know that fear, exclusion, arrogance and doubt can be let go. Life is easy, if you dare live it ... i would gladly suffer more of these scrapes and bruises than to live in the darkness created by my own mind," he says, sitting up and looking directly at the doctor. Tears of joy stream down both their cheeks.

Doctor Krishna remembers a teacher's simple answer to all of life's perceived problems: Do to others as you would have them do to you. One had a moment to memorise it and a life-time to practise and perfect it, the teacher always added. Doctor Krishna knows that this glorious man is almost home.

A Rich Man Visits

The good doctor is being stubborn, not out of arrogance or ignorance, rather, he wants the other man to stop and think. The other man is namely a local businessman, important in the village because he employs many people and contributes to the maintenance of roads and public buildings and services. Doctor Krishna is listening to his congested lungs, listening for pneumonia.

"We shall get our rewards in heaven," the well-fed man puffs.
"But aren't you required to live a simple life, to give up your riches?" asks the doctor.
"Not if i contribute grandly to the well-being of this village, these people: someone must do that, surely you agree doctor? We can't all be grubbing about in the muck and praising our simplicity while dying of destitution! Surely this is not God's will?"
"It seems to me that your reward leads you like a carrot leads a mule through life, enticing you to be good and stay on the path against your natural inclinations: you can afford to smoke a lot, yet it is killing you. Perhaps some simplicity might save your lungs? And the extra money might be used for latrines in the poorer quarters of the village?" the doctor suggests, moving around to listen to his heart.
"The poor have so much free time, precisely because they don't work. With all that free time they could dig new latrines, clear their roads of rocks and litter, they might even paint their homes and show a little civic pride: i could use the tobacco money i save to sell them some paint at cost!" he exclaims, as if to himself, beaming with his new civic idea, "I might even throw in a shovel or two!"
"And God shall reward your efforts," Dr. Krishna says, "Your goodness and thoughtfulness, your tender concern for the well being of all villagers shall earn you a place in heaven?"
"Despite what you see, doctor, I am a simple man by heart."
"You might want to cut down on the rich foods and desserts, by the way, so that your heart can thank you in this lifetime", advises the thin, brown man, standing back to rethink his diagnosis, "You had best not wait until your Judgement to reap your rewards, sir. If you wish to avoid any suffering of illness, you may want to act now. The poor, the hungry and the weeping can choose to wait or know heaven now by embracing the Truth: a reward had now, is better than a reward promised in the future, i dare say."

Slightly confused, the rich man pockets the prescription that would cost any other villager a week's wages, and goes outside for a smoke.

Fundamental Goodness

"You are such a good doctor, Krishna, unfortunately i cannot in right mind have my children in your care, because you are not a Christian," the man states, a little louder than is probably necessary.

This isn't the first time Dr. Krishna is refused; no loss, as he certainly is already busy enough. Smiling, he nods and wishes the young man a good day. Watching him walking down the street, the good doctor wonders why that man, and others like him whatever their faith, feel the need to divide, create walls and lines and laws that separate people from each other. If it were to reduce the spread of a viral or bacterial agent for the public health, well, that might be a different story. But faith? He doesn't waste too much time ruminating, however, knowing that there are others who 'see God in all things'.

One universe, created, made, what have you, but one, he thinks to himself. Thus God is truly in all things, and so also in each and every human. Basic goodness, a fundamental upon which to build, Love's signature at a molecular level, this we share. All religions and philosophies of peace, well-being, love, compassion, what have you, share this basic truth, only for some reason (he grins, noting 'mind' as the culprit: ego, fear, doubt, anger) it seems inevitable that man must always add his own divisions, as if loving all beings as yourself, as God, as you neighbour is uncomfortable, impractical, undesirable ... ah, he sighs, then smiling grandly, he bows and with a sweep of his extended arm, he welcomes his next patient into the little clinic as a servant would his master.

"Welcome, brother."

Dr. Krishna's Anger

A miserable, old woman visits the good doctor this morning. Her physical complains are real as the list of medical problems is long. Her pain has brought her back to him and he looks at the knee that is red, swollen and stiff. It isn't just the pain that makes her miserable, however, it is the litany of curses she seems to need to share at the clinic. Dr. Krishna can work professionally without becoming involved in the words of a patient: through the years his mindfulness has probably maintained his sanity ... if not that, then at least his compassionate demeanour.

"Those monstrous neighbours make so much noise ... That grocer man steals from me each time i visit his stall ... The little children choke the roads with their horrible games and screams and shouts ... no one has a thought or care for the old and dying," she spews on and on and on. Finally, she asks the doctor, to no one, "How am i supposed to show wisdom and compassion to my neighbour, as those so-called wise men in silken robes and plush chairs demand me, when i suffer so?"

Laying the warm compress to the leg, Dr. Krishna sighs. With his most professional tone of voice, slightly angry, warning, he stands, looks her in the eyes and speaks, as if writing out a prescription: How to sustain compassion for your monstrous neighbours? How to sustain kindness to cheats and fools and reckless children? Though your body may have complains, the disease is in your thoughts, my good woman. You pity yourself because you are alone. You weep for that which is lost. You grumble because you suffer both pain and fear.

She looks amazed. Then outraged. Trying to stand, Dr. Krishna holds the bad leg and states that he is not finished yet. Putting on the ointment as quickly as he dares, he finishes his advice. "See everyone you meet as the Son of Man. See that person as a fully awakened one. A teacher. A saint."

"Those thieves at the market?" she squawks.

"See that everyone you meet is your mother or father, that they are your son or daughter. Know this as a fact. They are not who you think they are. Draw them in. Embrace them in your thoughts. Smile. Respect their choices in life, however opposite to your own. Respect them, because you know the Truth, you see the True and you live in the Truth," he states matter-of-factly as he binds up the knee with gauze.

"But those noisy brats in the streets are not my kin," she complains with watering eyes.

"Each and every one of these people, whoever you meet, in whatever circumstance, this person is a gift, holy, a great teacher, you will treat him will deference and tenderness," his voice softens as he applies the elastic gauze.

"But i have been suffering for so many years, they do not see me. No one cares," she murmurs.

"Pain is forgotten. Love is remembered. Do as i say and reap the greatest rewards in life, among which is your own freedom and independent joy. Do these things with diligence and awareness and your suffering shall be less, my good woman. You shall live with more peace."

As if struck by a forceful blow, the slightly stunned woman nods in thanks and walks silently from his office. Dr. Krishna tells her to come back in three days so that he can look at the knee. She only nods as she exits. The sigh is deep, yet fulfilling, and slowly the stern doctor begins to chuckle as he readies the room for the next patient. 

The Holy Man Visits

"Good morning, sir. How is your spirit and energy? How is your health?"

Dr. Krishna always smiles when he gets a visit from the holy man from the mountain. The wiry little fellow came down to the village once a year to revere the holy men who have come before him and to tend their shrines at the village's holy sites. Then after ten days, he would climb back up into the misty forests for another year. The honourable wise one never did mention why he stopped at the good doctor's clinic each year, but he gratefully accepted the tea and cake with noble politeness and gratitude.

While sitting in the early morning sunshine, they enjoy silence, sipping the tea, nibbling the sweet cake. When finished, the near naked hermit of the forest stretches his legs, claps his hands several times around his torso, yawns fiercely and cracks his neck, left then right. Then he clears his throat, preparing it for use, as though it is rarely used for speech.

"While there is jealousy and rivalry among these people, they are of the flesh, and walking according to the manner of men. For them, the food of wisdom i prepare to share with them is easy, sweet like this cake, comforting food, essential food."

"Not medical jargon, rather layman's words. Yes, i know what you men, my friend," answers Dr. Krishna.

"They have developed bad habits, blindly following their lusts, passions, fears and aversions. They know not to escape a burning house, so distracted are they," he smiles with warmth for the passersby, as if he was their grandfather, "Words that are alien and thoughts that confound the mind will not motivate them to flee the house before the roof comes down; i do the best i can in the time i have to show them to safety".

Dr. Krishna nods. He feels the same. He knows they all must be saved, but one can only lead the way for another, point the way, walk the way as a good example, and some day, in some glorious future time, all men shall be together again, as it was in the beginning, is now and for ever.

They finish their break and both men stand. They press palms, bow and wish the other peace. As he picks up his walking stick and stands gazing up the narrow side road leading out of the village and back up the mountain, he laughs gently. "Remember, young man, you never travel alone in this world, because God is with us, of us, in us, before and behind us: know this truth with diligence and joyful awareness and the walking is easy. Life is easy."

Politicians

The political season has begun, observes the doctor from the doorway of his clinic. Full streets, noise, placards, pushing and shoving and promising, nothing ever truly good has come of politics, he sighs. Nothing lasting or sustainable, he remembers only the efforts of few to gain power for their season, to hold on to it like drowning men, to assert their own private dreams on a world that turns oblivious to their wants. On the sidelines, he sees the poor and downtrodden, still poor, still downtrodden. Will they vote? he asks himself. Even under great kings, the poor and sick and vulnerable had been swept left and right by the winds of might.

Yet the good doctor knows of other kings, whose rule is not dependent on others. Dr. Krishna knows of wise teachers who teach without expectation. These great men are anointed by Truth in love for each and every individual, especially those in need of glad tidings, the poor and downtrodden. These great men bring freedom from all chains, all tortures, all suffering, not by showing men with wine, women and song, but by awakening them, letting them share in a wisdom and compassion that is timeless, boundless and indescribable in human words, a Truth that can only be seen through ones efforts and faith. The oppressed go free. Those who listen and work diligently to know this experience go free. Though many are sceptic, Dr. Krishna knows that once dedicated to the Way, life changes, the world changes and God is close at hand. Politicians of all sorts promise wealth and health, safety and freedom, all temporal havens from the storms that churn a man's attentions. Politicians build sand castles. They are the blind willing to lead the blind. They cannot heal when they do not understand the ills of mankind.

Dr. Krishna laughs as he closes his door. He knows all too well that politicians stake their power on their many friends and family, those bought, those promised. Nee, a great king or wise man who truly comes to liberate mankind is not accepted in his own native place. That man is not a politician.

 

A Filthy Mind

It has been a busy day. Dr. Krishna has seen maybe 23 patients suffering a variety of diseases, ailments and dubious complaints. At the end of the day, he now enjoys closing 'shop' (as he calls his humble medical office), retreating to the back room and setting a little pot of tea. Beside maintaining his own rapports, he stares through the dirty window, over the sheet metal roofing of his neighbour's, beyond, beyond, to a lone eucalyptus tree.
Virtually all his patients, he reflects, believe their woes to originate from their lack of health. 'If only i were healthy', they would say, 'Then i would be happy'. Dr. Krishna is not by nature a cynical man, but once and a while he allows himself a gentle smile and sigh in private: once healthy, it would be riches, once rich it would be power, once powerful it would be security. For most of his patients the world is not a perfect place.
Dr. Krishna sips his tea. All illness and suffering is in the mind, he knows. Sure the body get sick, just as a body heals. Sure a body is painful, but all pain subsides. It is the mind that woes, fights, screams, demands pity and attention and churns up rage, depression, shock, all the suffering that men know.
One patient of his he shall never forget. She had cancer, yet smiled at the world like a newborn. The good doctor knew that at that moment in her life she had been unstained by the world: Clean and pure and bright, the world hummed and sparkled and she accepted the world for what it was. Like a clear stream, she did not let her mind stir up the muddy bottom. The water flowed undisturbed. Her mind observed. Her will and motivation and concentration, the doctor smiles, are remarkable, a model for how all could live without suffering. And this sweet, dying woman told him as much:

My saviour said to his followers, at a time when they doubted, at a time when they were weak, at a time when their minds grasped for any surety, even incorrect truths and old habits, my saviour reminded them that, "Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile." At first i never truly understood what was written in his words, but now, at the end of my life, i think i understand. I have encouraged all whom i know to see the wisdom in these words and to live by these words. Because from within people, from their minds and hearts, from their emotions and actions, come conflict, bitterness, greed and aversion. The mind generates the filth that blinds wisdom and creates all the sins that keep us apart, lost on our own selfish paths, doomed to suffer in our own minds and drag all around us down like drowning men. The world is perfect. This is paradise, if only we could see it that way! Nothing in this world can truly make us suffer, not even my cancer: though i might know pain, i will not suffer poisonous words, ruinous deeds, bitter thoughts and lies upon lies upon lies which is the true cancer.

Dr. Krishna had had a cup of tea with this wonderful woman, the only time he had ever shared his little private space with another patient. He had felt honoured to know her. And since that time many years ago, a great weight had fallen from his shoulders. His eyes sparkled like a clear stream, unchurned. His voice resounded like crisp morning air, free from the smoke of cooking fires. Ahh, the doctor sips his tea now, the world has never been so perfect, he smiles, offering up a thanks.

The Three Poisons

Dr. Krishna sees the poison of greed each day. And with greed, the poison of anger. Especially out on the street or down in the market, people let their anger flare with remarkable ease. At each insult, at each challenge, at the smallest thing, the mind becomes outraged and a certain blindness takes over piling suffering upon suffering. As a doctor, he would love to be able to cure this problem, but then, he reminds himself, we have a cure in calming the mind, training the mind, disciplining the mind and building compassion. We we see no separation any more between me and you, between this and that, then we care, then there can be no anger, then we lead lives free of suffering.
And yet, there is another poison the good doctor notes, namely indifference. This inward dullness lets people wallow in their self-made suffering without lifting a finger to help them. Words he uses as a tool to wake them up. Through his own behaviour he hopes that some may wake up, choose a different course for their lives, even become outraged at their own self-centeredness and self-pity and desire to do something about it!
So many years have passed, he thinks with a smile and a sigh. The world is as it is, unloving, unthinking, grinding day in and day out, as his older patients tell him: they have given up all hope and are even bitter, stewing in their anger at the unfairness of it all. The world is no longer a flower, an exciting game, a road filled with possibilities, rather the embodiment of all their suffering. He watches traffic and knows that this suffering is all in their minds. All inside. All theirs. All trapped, going round and round and round. They are unwilling to listen and unwilling to let it go for this has become their world, this is all they know.
But like any decent doctor, Krishna knows there is a cure. He knows there is a medicine. But as any good doctor knows, the patient must be motivated to take the medicine, must desire the cure, must see that there is an illness to begin with.
How funny, he shakes his head with neither smile nor laugh.
How regretful.

A Brave Woman

The frown remains, and this is unusual for this famously light-hearted and care-free village doctor. The bruises and fractures of his patient cover her body from head to foot. A young woman, newly married into a richer family here in the village, Dr. Krishna knows that her family is pleased with the arrangement and their social advancement. To anyone who bothers to take interest, her body tells a very different tale.
"I am afraid he will kill me," she softly weeps.
"He may," the good doctor agrees without lying, "Is there anything your own family can do to stay his heavy hand?"
"They see nothing. They choose to see nothing and are delighted that my husband is well known and rich by our standards," she explains.
This behaviour was not uncommon, he thinks, examining the damage, tending to anything that he can heal. He would kiss the bruises if he thought that he profession would allow it: it did not.
"A wise woman caught in your same predicament had some advice. If you like, i could share it with you," he offers. The silence in the little room he takes as agreement. Clearing his throat, he says, "If you can master your tongue, not only do you run less risk of being beaten, but perhaps you may even, one day, make your husband better, said the unfortunate woman who died peacefully much later in life."
The silence persists, yet he notes the slow nod of the young woman, whose tears have now subsided.
"Yes, when i was a girl my grandmother told me to pray for family, friends and neighbours, but especially for those people i did not like, or feared. She told me that these people needed more compassion because they themselves were lost on dark, unloving roads leading to even darker ends. Now i understand that wonderful woman who i loved like my own mother. No, i shall not provoke him, rather i shall demonstrate daily my courage and faith in a man's transformation."
Now bandaged up, the woman thanks the doctor, picks up her groceries and returns home. Dr. Krishna's frown finally lifts as he shows her out. Such is village life, he thinks, such is the lot of men everywhere who suffer in confusion. He blesses the newlyweds both with a silent prayer.

Dear Reader

Dear Reader,
If you have been reading this blog for any length of time, you might have recently noticed a shift in format. If you are new, welcome!
The shared reflections on daily mass readings with a hint of a Jesuit Spiritual Exercise has been rewarding for me. But like all things, it changes. Has my determination faltered? Have i become (yet again) distracted?
Yes and no.
Scripture lives in the mind as one reads or hears. The mind receives it, yet i seek to apply it more to daily life. There is enough analysis on line, for example my favourite Sacred Site of the Irish Jesuits or Godzdogz (Dominican Order). No sense rehashing which is done professionally by others!
And Buddha? Before walking back into the church i practised Buddhism for many years. The Jews being great traders, together with Roman occupiers and Greek settlers, with diaspora in Persia, all right smack on the great Silk Road, i cannot help but to think something of Buddhism would have travelled along with the riches of the East: especially in the era before Islam wiped Buddhism from the Indian, Persian and Afghanistan maps. Themes of wisdom and compassion are paramount in the Bible. Mammon? The second and third commandments? Buddha is not a false god, rather merely a human being with insight, who sought to teach anyone who would listen how to live a life without suffering. No heresy is meant, though how you judge another is your own business. Wisdom is divine. Love is divine. To be closer to the divine, man must practise, perfect and experience a life of dedication to wisdom and love, me thinks. Hence the inclusion of faith and practise. Hence the similarities between Christianity and Buddhism, West and East, that i see and write about.
As for the new format, Dr. Krishna is an old friend of mine. It seems that once again he has something to say: sit down, empty your mind of its hectic thoughts and listen with an open heart.
Have a great day,
With metta,
W.W.

A Lesser God

On his way down to the river bank, Dr. Krishna chats with a young man from the village. They wind their way down the sandy embankment, as do many others this morning. The expanse of flowing water is grand. Countless diamonds of flashing light are reflected by the rising sun. They both stop. Silent, they behold what they see everyday anew. A donkey carrying a load of laundry down to the water nudges the doctor back to life. Both men laugh as they jump ahead and continue along the path.
"What is it to have a mind of a god?" the young man asks as they stand once again, though this time with feet in the cooling water.
"Why do you ask this?" puzzles Dr. Krishna.
"I heard it said that though we may be men, we are Truly gods. I heard it said that though we may think like a god, we remain mortal men. Which is it?"
"I cannot give you an answer," admits the lanky brown man, now up to his knees, now holding his clothes above the water with one hand and slapping the clear surface with the other, "I do know that a good man must have intelligence, compassion and perseverance. Perhaps a god has the perfect balance of these three ingredients of goodness?"
The younger man nods. "I have been told: by your wisdom and your intelligence you have made riches for yourself; You have put gold and silver into your treasuries. By your great wisdom applied to your trading you have heaped up your riches; your heart has grown haughty from your riches?"
"Yes, one has used intelligence with perseverance to build the ego, to create a majestic palace for it dressed in fine materials and a cellar full of gold, possibly at the expense of others. Noteworthy by all mortal standards, indeed. However, all of it acquired without compassion", says Dr. Krishna. Small fish dart about their bare legs. The sun light grows stronger. There are more people down by the river. Smiling, he continues, "With compassion one does not take, but gives freely, effortlessly and thankfully. A rich man's wisdom is always flawed. Perhaps that is the lesser god for whom you are warned? And it is this arrogant mind that will always suffer ruin, loss and death. Without compassion, without putting others before the needs of oneself, intellect is wasted and perseverance is for nought."
The other man reflects on his words. They stand unmoving in silence as the sun climbs higher.
"It's getting too hot, we should return," offers the good doctor, who leads the other man back to the shore. The youth merely follows in silence, wondering why he had set off on the path to riches, wondering if it wasn't too late to give up the pretences of this lesser god to know joy.

The Rich Man's Burden

The buzzing flies are a nuisance, but he doesn't let them provoke him. Created creatures, too, he smiles, born to buzz, they know nought otherwise. Sitting on the log outside his shop, Dr. Krishna has a moments rest between patients. Yes, even in the world of health care, there are sometimes boring moments. Like his father always told him, cherish boring moments as gold, for these can be filled ... or emptied ... as the heart so chooses.

At this moment the good doctor watched all and nothing, simply observing the flow of life moving along the village main street. Sights and sounds, he practised letting nothing pull him or push him, neither liking nor disliking that which he saw, smell, heard or touched (that being his bottom on the crudely cut, upturned log that was his 'seat' now for so many years: though each year he received several nice chairs from thankful patients and generous friends; these he donated to the elderly people of the village who had trouble getting up off the dirt floors upon which they normally sat).

A rich man passed by with a mule loaded up with boxes and bags on the way to the next market. So much baggage, thought Dr. Krishna, why he even had two strong men in escort. The path to riches is bumpy, indeed, he noted. Fear and greed becomes your master. The more gained, the more to loose, his father once said, probably as he enjoyed a dull moment. He also said that wisdom could be perfected through ones actions in this life. A good moral life was a solid basis for growing, he said, but to be perfect, ah, then you had to go, sell what you have and give to the poor, then, freed from possession and greed, knowing no fear of loss nor fear of public opinion nor fear of the future, you put your faith in the treasure of heaven. Then not only would you know that treasure as wisdom and love, but you would live it and be a teacher to all.

Dr. Krishna smiles. The little clinic is not his own. Even the log he could do without. But letting all go? He was not a holy man, but it was tempting, namely that total commitment, that burning of all bridges and choosing for Love of God and Love of all in service of all. But before he could ruminate further, he noted several patients waiting quietly in the shade of the clinic wall next to him. Laughing, he jumps up, claps his hands and goes inside, thanking them for waiting and calling the first one to please come in.

The True Bread

Walking down the busy street, Dr. Krisha passes a large wedding party of more than a hundred guests. Many voices call out to him, "Join us, good doctor!". Dr. Krishna thinks to himself that more than half the town must be present, just as the host, now at his side, invites him to join the festivities.
"No, sir, but thank you," the shy brown man bows respectfully.
"No, please, sir, bless our newly weds with your presence," begs the father, steering the other man with gentle, open arms towards the centre of the gathering.
"We have meats and wines, our tables are dressed ready to rejoice in this wonderful day," says the mother of the bride, "Come and eat of our foods!"

Dr. Krisha relents. His salutations he gives all, even those who have been drinking wine all afternoon and now stagger and now stumble and now whose only words are foolishness. He blesses the young couple at the centre of the gathering with long lives, good health and insight enough to seek the beauty, magic and truth of love. But so many words are being spoken to the blissful two that they only nod dutifully before receiving the next guests.

The tables are indeed groaning, notes the doctor, and the wine pots overflowing. It will get noisy, he sighs. Next to him, another guest is shaking the hands of the happy in-laws as he speaks aloud: Watch carefully how you live, not as foolish persons but as wise, making the most of this blessed opportunity of life, because the days are short and the temptation to their myriad distractions are great. Therefore, do not continue in ignorance, but seek the Truth, abide there and know no more suffering.

A worthy wedding gift, smiles Dr. Krishna. Though these people will eat their fill this day, tomorrow they will be hungry again. Though these people will eat today, tomorrow they may suffer the ills of this world and some may die. As a doctor, the tall, brown man of many years this lesson well. He bends down to a young boy who is sitting at the edge of the feast, watching with wide eyes at all he sees. In his hand he holds a piece of sweet bread, but the festive din holds his attention more than the tasty food. Dr. Krishna, watching his fellow villagers for a moment too, says to the boy, to no one, to himself:
A man needs bread to make his bones grow strong, yet there is the bread of Truth, and true wine that grant eternal life free from this cycle of suffering and pleasure seeking, of aversion, of attraction and of dullness. Whoever eats of these and lives with wisdom can know Love, can let go of sin to love all and serve all in the name of that Love. Knowing this, living this, being this, there is no fear, no clinging, no foolishness and a life wasted, a chance missed. Eat this bread, drink this wine and be free.

The little boy looks up at Dr. Krishna. Surprisingly, he nods and puts down the bread in his hand. He is still nodding even as the doctor leaves the gathering, continuing his walk down the busy street.

Doctor Krishna Prays

Dr. Krishna sits upon the hill looking down into the valley. Sounds from the village waft up on the hot breeze. Life seems to go on despite all the suffering and fears, he thinks, glimmers of hope leading them into the future like carrots before mules.
He has been on his rock for three days already, sitting in meditation, in prayer, in deference and servitude to All There Is, emptying his cup that it might be filled, saying 'yes, i am here' to the gentle winds that whisper of compassion and wisdom to all beings. The doctor doesn't remember sitting, doesn't recall why he didn't get up and is not inclined to leave his seat now. Time passes. Life is a pulse. The universe rings like a bell. Harmonious.

A number of people have passed by, but have not disturbed him. Water, bread, a spicy samosa, these have been left for him if he should need to feed his body. They are untouched. A voice sounding very much like his mother drifts in and out of his clear awareness, "You have to eat and drink ... that is the way of the body ... to neglect this is foolishness." He knows this too, but there is no desire, no pang, no compulsion. He will eat and drink when the time comes, he notes, promptly letting the note float away on the breeze.

Despite the pure awareness in which he sits, the long and lanky brown man sitting on the rock recalls suddenly the words of a prophet repeated by a fellow villager below; he lets them linger in his mind, instead of letting the words go:

If a man is virtuous—if he does what is right and just, if he does not eat on the mountains, nor raise his eyes to idols; if he does not defile his neighbour's wife, nor have relations with a woman in her cycle; if he oppresses no one, gives back the pledge received for a debt, commits no robbery; if he gives food to the hungry and clothes to the naked; if he does not lend at interest nor exact usury; if he holds off from evildoing, judges fairly between a man and his opponent; if he lives by God's statutes and is careful to observe his ordinances, that man is virtuous—he shall surely live.

Hmmm, reflects Dr. Krishna, about to let the thought go: An ethical life sows goodness and makes doing the right thing easier. There is wisdom in compassion and compassion in wisdom, the soft valley wind agrees.

"Cast away from you all the crimes you have committed, and make for yourselves a new heart and a new spirit!" cried the villager to the crowd. They will be needing a whole lot of carrots, smiled the doctor. I sit here now in prayer and meditation for them, may they all be forgiven, may their burden of sin be erased, may they start life anew now, may they be soft and generous, may they loose their anger and disputes with each other, may they see life as it truly is and be filled with joy, be filled with a joy that can never be taken away, Dr. Krishna blesses.

Now distracted, he turns, drinks some water, nibbles mindfully on the bread and leaves the samosa to the mice that have eaten most of it all already. He knows that he will be getting up and heading back down into the valley at some point, but not yet. After his break, he returns to his seat and settles back into his rhythm with ease. Somewhere down below a heavy bronze bell rings. Dr. Krishna smiles at one last thought, "If only we could be as a child's simplicity, his cup empty, his trust great, his fearlessness of life infectious", then he lets this too, go.  

Thinking Like God

"Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do." (Mt 16:23)

Therefore, to think as a human is to be an obstacle? To be Satan? I'd agree with this. The human mind running about all day, judging, chasing after desires, fleeing from the averse, creating anger, wallowing in self-pity, laughing, howling, drinking and gambling, all that we do and call 'just being human' is nothing more than suffering ... even if we refuse to recognise it as such.

Our thinking mind distracts us. Our thinking mind accepts separation and isolation in maintaining its own identity: me versus you, i think, i want, i need, i am. We are so distracted with all that happens to us on Earth that we have forgotten from whence we came, our original being, our original face, that part of us that we share with our Creator. Lumen de Lumine, we say in the Credo, Light from Light.

So we are to think as God does. How is that, we ask? The whole ministry of the Christ points the way: by doing good, by cultivating love and wisdom, we can see more clearly, we are more aware of who we can be. Just look to the saints for more human examples! Prayer. Meditation. Becoming aware how our actions can influence how we think: stop killing, lying, cheating, lusting and

We can do more to think like God. And only then can we put Satan (attachment to that which keeps us separated from God and living in fear, lust, anger, etc.) behind us.

Deo gratias. 

Persistence in Faith

"It is not right to take the food of the children and throw it to the dogs." She said, "Please, Lord, for even the dogs eat the scraps that fall from the table of their masters." (Mt 15:26-27)

Who are we withholding our loving-kindness, compassion and wisdom from? Who are we to judge the worth from the 'dogs'?

Traditionally, when someone asked the Buddha a question, he did not immediately answer them. The questioner would have to ask the question thrice, then the Tathagata would reward their persistence with his answer. Jesus does likewise. The Samarian woman begs Jesus to help her and is twice turned away, as if the Christ had more important things to do: with so many people begging for help, from greed, from desperation, from fear and from faith, Jesus had enough on his plate, me thinks. But the woman persists. Her last request is both at once desperate and full of faith. She knows what the Christ can do for her: her motivation is pure, a mother for her child. She believes and is not willing to be shooed away.

"O woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed from that hour. (Mt 15:28)

Who is asking us for help and we judge them too harshly? Or as unworthy of our attention? And from where does this Selfishness come? What are we afraid of giving up, of losing? Lord, let me give generously and selflessly that i might receive, too.

Deo gratias.

The Fruits of My Actions

How to do good? How to live Christ's message here and now? How to be mindful of chosing right actions that nurture goodness, peace and love? Is the world truly sowed with both good and bad seed and must we wait til the end when all is harvested to separate the two?

The Master replied, 'No, if you pull up the weeds you might uproot the wheat along with them. Let them grow together until harvest; then at harvest time I will say to the harvesters, 'First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles for burning; but gather the wheat into my barn.'" (Mt 13:29-30)

It seems to me that mankind has been busy trying to separate the two since our flight from the Garden, from that place of enlightenment which we fell. We are asked to trust that all will be sorted out by God in the end. If i am a master of a field, i sit and let both good and evil grow to fruition. If i am a slave or servant of  the master, i trust in his decision and tend both the good and the evil equally, lest i uproot anything good.

Both choices are compassionate and full of wisdom. All i can do is try to sow good seed and tend my field: all i can do is use wisdom when i act to ensure my deeds will be beneficial and full of love because these seeds will grow to produce new fruits and feed many. Evil seeds will grow to, this seems to be surrender, but truly it is wisdom. Not all the actions we choose will always generate equal loving-kindness. Evil is and is tied to this world so long there are those who sow this seed. Yet, there will be no extermination of the whole field, says the master. All will be loved. And at harvest time, the fruits can be clearly seen so that men might choose easily between them. Good fruit will be saved and used to benefit all. The bad fruit, well, there is no need for it so it can be turned into ash and sowed to the wind.

As a servant of the Lord of Light, tending the whole field is turning the other cheek, offering a naked man ones clothes, going the extra mile and having faith that there shall always be enough in life, even some bread and fish left over! I sow my fields with love and wisdom every step of the way, knowing that the fruits of my actions, even when it seems to be looking bad, will bear good fruit.

Deo gratias.

A Croatian Feast

Happy feast of Saint James! May he be with us on all our pilgrimages in life. I celebrated in Croatia, in a language i don't understand, but thanks to the one, holy, catholic and apostolic church it all went well. A great experience, thank you and God bless the ecclesia and everyone else in Baska Voda.

Deo gratias.

Trusting in God

My heart is overwhelmed, my pity is stirred. I will not give vent to my blazing anger, I will not destroy Ephraim again; For I am God and not man, the Holy One present among you; I will not let the flames consume you. (Hos 11:9)

We have forgotten who we are, me thinks. The whole point of Buddhism, for example, is to not get lost in human, intellectual arguments of who God is and what God expects of us, what His needs are, what His favourite colour is, but rather to perfect our own being in honour of Him: when we are enlightened, we are closest to Him and necessarily also closest to our neighbour knowing both divine compassion and wisdom. So like our Creator, we shall not give vent to anger: how often will we use the excuse of being 'merely human'?

Jesus said to his Apostles: "As you go, make this proclamation: 'The Kingdom of heaven is at hand.' Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, drive out demons. Without cost you have received; without cost you are to give. Do not take gold or silver or copper for your belts; no sack for the journey, or a second tunic, or sandals, or walking stick. The laborer deserves his keep. (Mt 10:7-10)

Jesus asks us to follow Him, to live as He lives, to do as He does, curing, cleansing, driving away evil and working wonders here on Earth. We are asked to be disciples, saints and apostles, all of us, according to our abilities and gifts received from the Father. We are challenged to be more than just 'merely human', and avoiding the use of our separation from God as an excuse to be lazy and cruel and Selfish to ourselves and others. I have to walk your path; you cannot do it for me. Simplicity, you teach. The world is not difficult. Give. And give some more. And what i sow i shall reap. There is nothing to fear on Earth if we trust in God.

Lord, let me be like you: let me begin with my faith and my works and my efforts until the day i die, day by day growing in your light.

Deo gratias.

St. Benedict

Thank you St. Benedict!

And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life. (Mt.19:29)

The Middle Way he seems to have settled on, realising that other forms of monasticism current at the time were not helpful, not sustainable. A Middle Way such as:

His vision was a life characterised by prudence and moderation rather than severe asceticism and lived within a framework of authority, obedience, stability, and community life. ‘Stability’ meant that a monk would generally stay permanently in the monastery which he had joined. It was a way of life which was complete, well-ordered and practical. The monk’s day was taken up with liturgical prayer, complemented by sacred reading and manual work of various kinds which took care of the community’s needs. (Sacred Space)

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. (Mt 19:23)

It seems to me that God is in every good idea. I have heard it said that paradise is now, we just have to see it that way. St. Benedict saw beyond the bad and created the good, saw beyond the limitations men create for themselves and took a step further. Paradise is now, a state of mind, a vision of the world, God in All Things.

Deo gratias.

Bonded With God

I will espouse you to me forever: I will espouse you in right and in justice, in love and in mercy; I will espouse you in fidelity, and you shall know the LORD (Hos 2:21-22)

Two things i enjoyed from today's reading from the Old Testament is the bond made between God and man, a sign of each others free will. Like 'marriage' or accepting to live together, to bond, to become greater than two individuals, through sickness and health, through the passage of time and life here on Earth, we choose and make an oath on our honour. All very chivalrous, indeed, but there is more. The Jesuit's Sacred Space calls the 'in right and in justice' of the prophet to be simply 'right conduct' (Sacred Space). The Buddhist's call this sila or moral conduct: right speech, right action and right livelihood. Or how one lives in harmony with ones neighbours day by day and moment by moment. No easy task.

A legal contract of sorts? What binds men to property and wealth on Earth is not the same as that which binds men to each other in compassion and goodness. Of course, as Christians we are not bound to Mosaic Law (As St. Paul put it, “For sin will have no mastery over you, because you are not under law but under grace." Rom 6:14), but the word for 'law' or 'torah' is also defined as 'instruction'. Thus, our free will is in tact: we must voluntarily accept God's love and grace and mercy if we are to grow as human beings, to grow in compassion and wisdom, to grow in peace and happiness. We have to choose to do the right thing. We can choose to speak kindly, to offer and helping hand and to change the way we live our daily life to the benefit of all mankind.

And this is the 'love' of God's promise. The Hebrew word used is 'hesed', meaning a bond or contract:

...this divine hesed calls for corresponding hesed in man towards Yahweh, consisting of self-giving, loving trust, abandonment, deep affection, ‘piety’, a love (in short) which is a joyful submission to the will of God and an active charity to fellow men (Sacred Space).

Marriage is a 'joyful submission' in many ways. We loose an individual identity and gain something greater, namely 'we'. Mankind comes together with God as One. As He loves us, so can we love Him. And as He is in all things, so too can we love all things as God and know Him. Is this 'knowing' not enlightenment? To stand in the glory of God's light and know loving-kindness in word and deed, day by day and moment by moment?

Today i renew my vows, the promises i made, the mindful effort to keep them and the prayer to God that my faith grow in honour of all that i can be, in His name. Amen.

Deo gratias.

New Wineskins Please

People do not put new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise the skins burst, the wine spills out, and the skins are ruined. Rather, they pour new wine into fresh wineskins, and both are preserved (Mt 9:17)

Always a bit of confusion here, i confess. Homilies, to read for example on Sacred Space of the Irish Jesuits, refer to old Jewish practises not fitting into Christ's new message. A new paradigm. He didn't come to pat Israel on the back for a job well done, rather to clean ship and get mankind back on track. However, we are also reminded that improvements to the church can be seen as 'new wine' and thus, we must use our 'new skins' if we hope to contain them without risk of fracture, leakage or destruction; or, confusion leading to falling away from the church, and thus leading to doubt and even greater separation from God.

History is tricky. Looking back, was selling indulgences 'new wine'? It certainly burst a few wine skins. And papal infallibility? Is this too, 'new wine', a directive of God himself, spoken to free us from unhelpful rituals or bring us back into his fold? The Church's stance on so many ethical matters (divorce, contraception, sexuality) can seem like old wine skins unable or unwilling to take on new wine. Jesus himself never told us not to use contraception or that homosexuality was wrong, other people did. From old skins? These and other discussions of the Way indicate to me that new wineskins are always necessary, because otherwise we'd only ever be drinking old wine from old skins. The Pharisees probably thought very much the same! What was wrong with their old wine? How could they possibly want to drink a new vintage when the old had served them so well?

Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast (Mt 9:15)

Standing in the presence of the teaching Christ and listening to the good news He brought was not the time to cling to old ways, especially when He had come to clean ship and put mankind back on the most direct way to God. And now, though He is with us in Spirit, He was taken away and we now are fasting as per His instruction. My confusion is, are we doing just that? Is the Christianity that Christ taught now reflected by Mother Church in Rome? Or are the Orthodox Churches closer? The Protestants? The televangelists? The Mormons? OK, maybe not, but still, we are merely men, standing a falling as our faith evolves. Yet how often do we continue with our man-made wineskins of our own vintages and cling to them as if no new vintage need come, just like the Pharisees Jesus was warning?

The answer? For myself, I think prayer and meditation, a chat with the Holy Spirit within, might keep the wineskins in production. New wine and new skin will require vigilance, flexibility, openness and grace for those taking up a new vintage and compassion for those unable to give up their old skins. Me thinks that the new wine of Christ is always with us, yet it is our ego, fear, insecurity, doubt, what have you, that is happy to carry around our familiar old wineskin on that journey to the Heart of the Love. Christianity has yet to be perfected: true love of God and all mankind, universal wisdom and loving-kindness, has yet to be won. We will still be needing new wineskins.

Deo gratias.

On Harbouring Evil Thoughts and Forgiveness

"Why do you harbor evil thoughts? Which is easier, to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Rise and walk?'" (Mt9:4-5)

Indeed. The first wall that i walk into when lead by my own selfish mind is self-made. Blocks of doubt, fear, regret, laziness and more. It seems the older one gets, the bigger the blocks become and the more impenetrable the fortress 'Me' becomes. When someone does something against my beliefs, my desires, my expectations, do i immediately judge and 'harbour evil thoughts'? So very often, i confess.

Forgive others as i am forgiven, we pray to God. Do i mean it? Am i aware how often evil thoughts pop into my mind: thoughts, maybe an unkind word or even a regretful action? Me thinks half the battle is being aware of these evil thoughts! If aware, i may not be able to stop them from becoming an unkind word, but at least i can stay my own hand from 'throwing a stone'. If aware, i may even be able to quiet my tongue. If aware, that unkind thought as a result of being afraid, shocked or outraged can be soothed with a prayer for forgiveness. If aware, i hope to stand firm in the light of love and peace and joy to which we are all called through and in and with the holy Trinity.

I may not be able to help a crippled man rise and walk, but i can forgive trespasses to me as i am forgiven my own mistakes.

As an afterthought, 'sin' i define as that which separates us from God and builds up the ego, something said or done to create distance from that which is good, that which is not helpful to us or our neighbour. Are sin and illness linked? Perhaps. Stress, violence, negativity all create fertile ground for illness to grow, flourish and be sustained. Kamma (Karmha) perhaps too, what one has done in ones past, will be righted in the present: how one acts can either maintain the sin or illness, or set the stage for change, for standing up and walking away from a past identity that was not helpful. Forgiveness makes that change easier. Forgiveness creates room to breath, for taking a new look at things, for considering new possibilities and making new personal choices. 'Forgive and forget' we hear. There is much wisdom in this seemingly pithy statement!

Deo gratias.